Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I would say I definitely have a new perspective on life. I have struggled being a mom in so many ways. The first few weeks with Banks were like boot camp for me and many nights I cried out to God for wisdom and strength. Praying that he would just help me get through the next day. I was surrounded by some really wonderful people during that time, but still felt so alone. Thankfully at about 10 weeks Banks and I hit our stride and it has been challenging but the most amazing thing I have ever done.
I guess when you have a child you begin to think about all the things you should and shouldn't have done. You begin to look at the people around you a notice things that didn't matter before. You begin to look at yourself and see the strengths and WEAKNESSES. Maybe this is just the case for me, but I have replayed relationships, situations, conversations, and events in my life over and over again. I wish I would have said that differently, or not said that at all. I wish I would have been more thankful or more kind or more present. I wish I would have trusted Gods plan more. I wish I believed in myself more. I wish I was stronger. The list goes on and on.
I have spent a lot of time these days wishing I could have done some things differently. Wanting to apologize to people that may not even care. Wanting to be better so that my son can be proud of his mother. Wanting to follow Gods plan and not my own. In those first weeks of being a mother it was hard to see where God was taking me (sometimes at 3 am it still is). It was difficult to see past my tears of lonliness, regret, and pain. But it was so easy to look into Banks precious eyes or my husbands face and see that God will never leave me or forsake me. Being Banks mom is the most difficult job and most rewarding I have ever had. It brought to light so many things about myself and my future. I have always known my weaknesses, but now feel like I have a reason to move out of them, to better myself, to turn a new leaf. Not only that, but it is the first time in life I have felt the peace to do so.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses..for when I am weak, then I am strong" 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
My grandfather was a quiet man. A veteran of World War II and a lover of his family and country. He loved God and taught each of us the importance of loving each other. He called me his "pick" and he was mine. I like to think we were two peas in a pod. I remember following him around when I was little and wanting to be where he was. Some say I was his favorite because I was so mean that I needed someone to love me. :) I say I was his favorite because I cared about everything he did. I would ask him questions all the time. I knew it got on his nerves, but I just wanted to know more. We would sit on the front porch and eat molasses cookies or ice cream, whichever he felt like that day. When I was young he smoked cigars. He told me recently when I reminisced with him about it that it was a bad mistake, one of his many flaws. I saw no flaws in him.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I am so excited to have a name and to call him something besides baby Mauldin. My thoughts are already consumed with Banks and what he will look like and if he will have hair. Silly things that fill my head constantly throughout the day.
It is strange to think that our lives are going to change so drastically within minutes of his arrival. Our lives have already changed and he is not even here yet. I find myself wanting to be around Brett all the time. I just want him to be near me wherever I am . I have never been this way before and am quite independent, but now his presence comforts me in a way I never felt before.
I've begun the "nesting" phase of it all. I just want to clean and organize everything perfectly before he comes. We are hopefully going to be moving in the next month so I have been put to a halt on my nesting and it has not been pleasant.
This baby kicks me all the time and it is so surreal to think that a human is growing inside me. It makes me wonder how people do not believe in God.
So for now we wait. Wait for news on our house and big move. Wait to decorate a nursery. Wait for precious baby Banks arrival.
Monday, November 15, 2010
There are a few other things that I have been looking at. Some I think I can make. I have been introduced to the world of Etsy and have found some cute things there. I am still trying to figure the site out, but have had a great time browsing. Below are a few items I think I can handle on my own (in our sports theme of course).
Custom Name Blocks (of course it would not be purple and would be our name.)
Custom Wall Art (some little sports balls would be cute).
Those are just a few things I thought I could handle. I guess when I go to Asheville, I will be hitting up the craft store. I am still looking for somewhere to get sports and stars wall decals. That would really complete our little nursery. Let me know if you have any suggestions.
Oh and stay tuned for a name.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I kind of tricked Brett when I told him the news. He had been wanting a watch really bad, so I put the pregnancy test in a watch box. He was so surprised!
We are thrilled about this new adventure in our life, but we are not ready. I don't think you can ever be ready for the emotion and commitment that a baby takes. Nonetheless, we plan to take this journey like the rest, one day at a time.
It is already so strange to see my belly growing, to hear that little heart beat. We both already love this baby so much, it is definitely going to be one spoiled little fella (or lady)!
We started keeping a little journal just to write to the baby and tell it what is going on in the world and our thoughts and prayers for him/her. We just want to have something to read to our little one to remind of us of our memorable moments.
I already have been praying that our baby has the best of both Brett and myself, and none of the bad. That it will be healthy and beautiful. That it will be musical, athletic and smart. That it will be tall and skinny. And that it will NOT have big feet! :)
This new chapter holds a lot for us. God is moving us down the path we believe he has called us to and we look forward to serving God on an even higher level as parents.
Stay tuned to see what little baby Mauldin will be and what we will name him/her! We appreciate your prayers.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I blogged about the struggle Brett and I had in our marriage because I wanted people, Christians, to know that even when you love God, marriage is tough. I am tired of Christians feeling like they cannot have certain feelings or problems because that is not of God. I'm exhausted by the constant judgment Christians feel when they struggle with thoughts of divorce and depression. Shouldn't the church, and our fellow believers, be the place we go to talk about our struggles? To be accepted for our struggles? To be helped through them? To get a kick in the butt when we are wrong?
Some may think this is absurd. I do believe as time passes the church is becoming a more welcoming place to be less than perfect. I remember when I struggled with depression, not talking about it because what would the people at church think. When Brett and I were at odds and I was fighting the desire to flee, I thought to myself, "Does this mean I am not a good Christian? Does this mean that my relationship with Christ is false?"
I have now found for myself that the answer is NO. We as Christians should be sensitive to one anothers struggles. I found out that a lot of people experienced the secretive life of a Christian. That I was not the only Christian that experienced these things, and I was not the only one who was ashamed at first to embrace the challenges because of my faith.
I think it that respect I have grown in Christ so much. My faith is deeper, my relationship is stronger, and my life is blessed. In sharing my challenges in prayer and with other Christians, I found something that a lot of people need. HOPE.
So for that, I am proud to talk about certain downfalls, failures, and mistakes. I am proud to be a Christ follower who has struggled with some serious things and made it through. I am proud to share my story with others so that they no longer have to be ashamed. I am proud of myself.